My soapbox

I LOVE YOU. There I said it. Does it have meaning to you when I say it? Most likely not. You know why? Because you probably don't know me well enough to really care.

It is a pet peeve of mine that drives me bonkers. When people (I wish I could say it was only teens, but it's not) say "I love you" as soon as they can. Hey I just met you. I think I love you. So call me maybe. No wonder many girls have such low self esteem. They wear their hearts on their sleeves and go crazy when the feeling isn't reciprocated. When I first watched Twilight (back in 2008..I can't believe it's been that long ago), I cringed at the scene after Edward and Bella broke up. She went into this deep dark isolation because a boy rejected her. Really? It was hard for me to watch, but that was what many girls do when someone rejects them (even if the relationship was only a few weeks long).
I'm a fan of chick flicks and sappy love songs, but I know that those aren't real life. That isn't what a relationship is about.

To me love is a big deal. I have told 2 guys in my life that I love them. One was my high school boyfriend that I dated almost a year. It took me quite a while to get around to saying it to him. And the other one is my husband. I actually told him I loved him about 5 months into dating him. It was Christmas time and I was getting ready to head to Ukraine for what I thought could be a year (it turned out to be 5 months) and I wanted him to know my heart before I left. He didn't say it back (which was a little hard at the time), but you know what? It felt so good to hear it when I got home. He waited to tell me in person and it meant so much to me. We had been through a lot in that almost year. I mean we dated on different continents for 5 months and survived and were able to grasp what it really meant to love each other. 

This blog post idea was the result of too much thinking about the latest Bachelor episode while I was doing dishes(yes, I'm a sucker for the Bachelor even though I have this pet peeve). It got me thinking about real love. Not this I'm dating 30 girls to find my real love. Not this "I have only known you 10 minutes but I stalked you on Facebook before now so I love you". But real love. 

I can think of many examples. 

My parents. I grew up in a great family with parents who have been married for 41 years. They were a great example to us about love. They demonstrated it to each other and to us. They helped make us confident which I believe has helped in our marriages. They showed us commitment. They showed us it is ok to argue, but the importance of apologizing and forgiving. 

My husband. We have been married a fraction of the years my parents have (6 years), but he has helped me a lot. He works hard while I am a stay at home mom (both are hard jobs). He builds me up at just the right times. He has taught me that the "typical" romantic gestures aren't really what love is about. It is so much more. It is being there in the thick and the thin. It is having someone to complain to when you are so sleep deprived when your baby wakes up every 2 hours. It is having someone to cry with when a close mentor is sick and passing. It is being comfortable to fart around the other person. It is being ok with not going out and just watching our latest show together. It is someone to do life with every single day. 

God. God is love. His very existence is love. And He demonstrated love by sending His son on earth to die for our sins-the sins that should have been our death sentence. 

We've all heard the love chapter in 1 Corinthians. But it never gets old. 

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

The very first thing to describe love is patient. We need to be patient. We need to take the time to see if our relationships will turn out to be patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful or proud or rude. Take the time to make sure that it doesn't demand its own way, isn't irritable or keeps no record of being wronged. Make sure it doesn't rejoice about injustice but will rejoice when truth wins out. Make sure that it won't give up, lose faith, is hopeful and will endure through every life circumstance. That is what love is about. Be patient. There is no need to rush into it. Whether you are 12, 18, 29, or 41. Give love time.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

You are not alone

For a while now, I have felt lonely. Ok, I don't know if I can truly feel lonely when I'm with my 2 girls pretty much 24/7 and with my husband pretty much any moment he's not working. But I have felt lonely in the sense that I was missing a close female friend. I had close friends in college, but living several hours away from all of them does change things a bit. We should have planned our lives out better to live closer to each other. Anyone else miss the college days?

As I became a mom and a stay at home mom, I started almost feeling isolated. It isn't really that much fun to have your main conversations of the day be with a 4 year old. I love her, but I can only take so much talk about princesses (or now Star Wars thanks to daddy). 

I made a goal last year to start branching out and at least talking to people. It helped having Cora in pre-school, but I have really tried to go out of my way to at least say hi and start conversations. Kids are great conversation starters! But I have realized that my mood has gotten better and I no longer feel quite so isolated. 

I'm a mom. I'm not perfect. I need support. I need friendships. I need fellowship with others. 

You are not alone. Go out of your way today to say hi (whether in person or on Facebook). 

Airplane Party for girls

When we first started talking to my daughter about her 4th birthday party, she really didn't have any ideas about a theme she wanted. Her first birthday party was You are my Sunshine themed. Her second birthday party was Minnie Mouse themed. And her third birthday party was Tangled themed. For a couple days she said she wanted another Tangled party, but this time focusing on Pascal. I vetoed that right away! My husband started thinking about the timing of her birthday. It correlated well with the timing of a big airshow here in Evansville. He suggested this to her and she loved the idea. I think mainly because she knows how much her daddy loves airplanes. It was an added bonus that we could take my husband's family to the airshow the day after her party.  Here is what we came up with for her party. 

I found white tulle pom-poms at hobby lobby. I was originally going to use them in the cloud pictured below, but they weren't big enough. So I tied 2 together and hung the rainbow tulle from them. I cut them short because I knew my daughter would try to grab them and hang from them or twist up in them (which would result in lots of glitter everywhere). The banner and the invitations were created by RoxCreativeDesign on Etsy. She did the information that I asked and sent me the files. I went to Office Depot and got them printed on card stock. Here is her Etsy shop link:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/RoxCreativeDesign

I found the cloud/rainbow tulle idea from another pinterest post. My mom had paper pom-poms that she gave me. I think I ended up using 6 pom-poms to make the clouds. I cut a white piece of poster board around the shape I wanted and hot glued the pom poms to the posterboard. Then I hot glued strips of tulle from the posterboard. I attempted to tape the rainbow tulle to the tablecloth, but it didn't really work well, but they all seemed to stay in place. 

The cake was awesome! It was a chocolate cake with airplane designs (just like her invitations and banner). We loved looking at it...and eating it! It was made by Gayla Cake:

 https://www.facebook.com/pages/GaylaCake/269452223153483?fref=ts

These were the invitations created by Rox Design on Etsy (see previous banner picture for link to Etsy shop). 

This plane was created by my husband. I knew we had a bunch of cardboard from our grill we just bought. So I asked my husband to make a plane for Cora's party. I should have known it would be huge and great from knowing my husband, but I was still surprised. He is a perfectionist, and he had to make it look good! Unfortunately, I'm not as good with details. I got one can of spray paint at Hobby Lobby. When I went to get the second can of spray paint, I went to Wal-Mart. They didn't have the exact same pink color. So we had an ombre looking plane. The stripes are designed duct tape. We also had some letters from a previous project so we could add her name and age. We needed a seat, so we borrowed a toddler chair from our church. This thing was huge. My original plan was to have it outside, but there has been a TON of rain this summer and the weather was unpredictable. We managed to find some space in our living room to keep it during the party. 

I wanted to post all of this because when we first started, I thought the task was impossible to find decorations and make her birthday party a girl party. It was a bit difficult because many decorations were for the Disney Planes movie. We didn't want that. I am pleased with how it turned out! 

Bring on 2015

Looking back at 2014, it turned out to be a pretty good year.

• We learned a lot about patience and God's timing by waiting to get pregnant. And it finally did happen when we learned to let it go into God's hands. 
• We got to spend time with my brother and sister-in-law who live in the Czech Republic and we only get to see every couple of years! 
• We welcomed a new niece and nephew into our family. 
• We got to watch Cora grow even more this year into the big 3 & 1/2 year old. She potty trained like a champ at the beginning of the year and started her first year of preschool and has adjusted well.
• I quit selling 31 to focus on my family and the youth group more. And even though I still love 31 products, I don't regret this decision for a second. 
• We have experienced growth spurts in both our church and youth group. It has been awesome to see seats filled up in the Sanctuary and Youth Room. The youth group went from about 8 or 10 last school year to having closer to 15-17 this year. It has been a fun adjustment!
• Craig has had another successful year working at Keller Schroeder. I am so proud of how hard he works. 

I'm thankful for this past year, but looking forward to 2015. We have a lot of changes coming our way!

• Cora will no longer be an only child. Our 2nd little girl will be born in April and we will probably all have a big adjustment period, but I can't wait!
• After 5 & 1/2 years, I will no longer be the youth director at NPWC. I will still help out, but decided I really need to take time in 2015 to focus on our growing family. I'm confident that Ross Geiser (one of my former teens) will do an excellent job leading the youth group.

I may not know what the future holds, but I am so thankful I know who holds the future. Bring on 2015! 

Expecting God to move

I have several things in my life right now that I want to happen. But for the past few months, I have basically had the mindset of "I'm not going to get my hopes up so I don't get disappointed if these things don't happen". Today I realized that this approach is completely wrong.

James 1:6-7 says "But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord."

Even thought I have wanted these several things in my life, I have still doubted. Mainly to avoid disappointment. But that's not what God wants me to do. If these things are really in His will, He has got it under control. He will provide in his timing, but more than that...I need to EXPECT Him to provide in His timing.

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 37:4: "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart".
It's pretty simple. But I keep messing it up. He's got this.

So today, I will focus on taking delight in the Lord and expecting him to move!

Grow in wisdom and stature

Tonight, Cora woke up crying after she had been asleep for a while. Craig was the first one to go in and hold her. Of course, I couldn't stay out for long. I rushed in there and held her for a few minutes then offered to lay with her in her bed (thank goodness she is in her full size bed).

As I was laying there watching her fall back to sleep, I prayed. I prayed that Cora would grow up to make wise decisions. I prayed for her heart. I prayed for her gifts and abilities and that she would use them as she grows older. I prayed for her future husband. I also prayed for her protection. This world is already turning into a scary place. I can't imagine what it will be like in 10, 20 or even 60 more years! Who knows what trials Cora will face in the future, but I pray that she will rely on God.

The verse that I thought of while I was praying was Luke 2:52:

 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

I want these things for Cora. I want her to grow wiser and grow bigger, but most of all I want her to grow in favor with God.

I consider it an honor to be her mommy and to be able to have those special moments to lay there next to her.

When I grow up...

Remember what you used to say when people would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up? I used to say a teacher, a babysitter, or a cheerleader. When I was in high school, I thought that I wanted to be a special education teacher. Then after a year in college, I decided that Social Work would be a better fit. Then toward the end of college, I went on my first trip to Ukraine. After that, I worked as a Social Worker in Evansville while planning to live in Ukraine for a while as a missionary. I spent 5 months in Ukraine...teaching English to the girls and helping out where I could with the ministries and then came home. I moved toward Cincinnati to be closer to Craig since he was working in Southern Indiana (near Cincinnati). I worked for almost a year as a Social Worker before I felt led to be a youth leader. This is right around when we got married. We moved to Evansville, got married and then I started as the youth leader at my dad's church. Since then I have become an independent consultant for Thirty-One Gifts. And I have become a mother.

I guess I always knew I would become a mom, but it was never a big dream. I really had no idea what to expect, but it has rocked my world and I'm so thankful that God has blessed me with the opportunity to raise Cora. Now I'm sure I'm not the only mom out there with these thoughts, but I have really struggled the last year or two with what's next. I am still passionate about social work, mission work (especially in Ukraine) and I still love doing youth ministry and selling Thirty-One. I've struggled with my identity with who I am and wondered if it is enough.

I'm not sure when it finally hit me...but it did. I finally realized even if I never go back to Social Work or go on another Mission Trip or even if I didn't have Thirty-One or an amazing youth group..I still have it all. So many times we think our identity is in what we do for a living. But it's not. My identity first and foremost is in Christ. I was created in God's image and He loves me so much. AND if that isn't enough...I am a wife to a great guy who loves God, me and our daughter. He is a great provider and friend. And if that isn't enough...I am a daughter to parents who always showed me what it means to serve and love others. And if that isn't enough...I am now a mommy to a little girl who looks just like me and mimics me daily. I have such great responsibilities from being a wife, daughter and mother that it is silly for me to worry about the future and what I will do next. I have a lifetime calling of serving God however I can and bringing glory to His name. I also have a lifetime calling to serve and love my husband and also teach our daughter to love God.

So as I grow up, I want to be a Child of God, a wife, a daughter, and a mother. Those things will never change and I'm so glad I know who I am and where I'm going.